oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
