he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
