U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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