I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
