I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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