All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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