Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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