yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i've created a new STD.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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