I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
