I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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