Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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