I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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