Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this just has baby written all over it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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