I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize