SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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