Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
