My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
