K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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