He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
