Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
