is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
