i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize