i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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