I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
