you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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