i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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