Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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