Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
