Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
