your room smells of hookers.
And success
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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