I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've blown a few things in my day
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize