I heard we made out
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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