I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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