Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
