super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
