im about as happy as oj after his trial
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
