I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Randomize
