the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
