she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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