Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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