Cold hands, warm shart.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
