she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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