I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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