so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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