Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
