RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Life is so much better after having sex.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
