Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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