Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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