Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
