i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
