Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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