How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
