I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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