i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
