I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
