i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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