I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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