You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
