Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
