Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
