where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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