I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
