only you would photoshop your dick
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
