So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
