and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize